she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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