Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
