Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
porn star boner night. come get it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
