pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
