Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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