I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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