that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
