ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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