I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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