When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
