Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
