i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
