First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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