If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
