Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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