Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
