I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
