did you get engaged???
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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