Already got asked if we're dating
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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