So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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