My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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