I'm lost and stupid without you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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