Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
