I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
