I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
