Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
