I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
