If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
