I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
