Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
