His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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