I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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