I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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