We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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