Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
