How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
