i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
