but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
