We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
