She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
