Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
