I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
