Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
