i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
