His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
