hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
