Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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