Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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