I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
