I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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