she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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