1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
