Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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