She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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