I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
